The Game

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 A Journey


I have these on going, thoughts that have happened ever since a mental breakdown happened. Most of the time it feels like I am on drugs and someone is making me think various things about life and how it works.

The problem is I am aware of is another person being there and the game not being mine, which means I cannot end it when i want to (I'm not in control of it).

So the thoughts mostly spiral around women and sex opening to drugs and alcohol when I have had enough, which was quite some time ago.

I am staying in hospital right now and this is following a psychotic breakdown. The breakdown was apparently when I was a virgin and involved me having (apparently), homosexual relations with a male that triggered a psychotic breakdown. 

It definitely seems like I am being rebuilt against these things that I am hearing, such as drugs and manipulative technology which is good. Technology includes technology to do with bodily senses such as touch and vision and hearing.

Hearing, I am very conscious of in that I hear high pitched noises quite a lot, it feels like it turns my head into a computer that does just about anything I want it to, until I really want them and then they are not there anymore.

I cannot wait to be my own person and be free of people manipulating me so I can prove to my self that they are not manipulating me.

I like women not men this is the problem that I face on a day to day basis, I cannot stand men that stalk people or homosexual men, I constantly feel threatened by them, then there is the straight man that would feel like they can correct the world, I don't like those either (egotistical males - they all fit under this description) they all feel like they are doing the right things even when they are point faced blank wrong and will carry on anyway.

Anyway so a lot of people that I am putting up with today are very much like them even though they don't really have a place in the world anymore, unless it is to get rid of major terrorism. I probably don't like them because I am that way my self and looking in the mirror is painful so I have come to the opinion that individualism is better and not playing anymore is even better.

I don't want to be part of this group, I would like to settle somewhere knowing that I don't have to put up with these people and things in my mind, I definitely feel like I am being attacked by younger people with no respect or place thus they follow me around.

I have constant ongoing ideas through this time of trauma and diseased negativity, to keep my self entertained

The ideas inside the technology (when my senses are being messed with) are called a game (distractions for others being paranoid about technology). So within the game there are several things (ideas) normally whilst I'm feeling quite weak to do with women and family and secret service.

The above should lead to your understanding that the technology is possibly a secret to others or a secret kept from my self (as in a secret society that I have accidentally stumbled on).

The games normally consist of me having to ask for help from someone in a way I don't want to but probably would, it all hangs on what if such and such is happening etc... Somehow my mind makes it real to me but it is not really happening.

 The reason for most of these things being negative is because I am a male of heterosexual orientation and not a technology freak so I'm sure you can understand how daunting all this is for me. most of this information you can find confirmed in coincidences.

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