Love Ya Know When

-

When It Is All A Mess!

You know when, when your love life is all a mess and you have got people pulling you from all different angles in your personal life and you just need to breathe.

My advice is to stop what you are doing and crack on, life is difficult but you need to be selfish sometimes. Something i never did was stop and focus on the things that I want which never let me down until I found someone I wanted.

My life basically (especially personal) feels like it can be bought and manipulated by just about anyone. I suffer from voices and paranoia. People want to get to know me and it is the worst feeling ever when you know no-one and have a partner you want to love and protect but you feel like a hobo around all these other people and you know your job is to protect someone.

The best protection comes down to letting them go, finding an easy way out your self because otherwise (and this comes from not choosing good friends) you leave your self with a bullseye on your and her head.

Not very nice things to have to put up with but they are in the past now, she has new friends that she chose to stay with instead and you have this new beginning and nothing else should matter. You'll pick a better group next time and be less and more flexible, life sucks that way and always causes an argument with your self, best not to reflect too much then, pack a bag go on holiday? Then you brain collapses and there goes with it you money, your time, your energy.

The world screams at you, get up, and you scream back I need to be on my own. Everyone backs a way and your left sleeping the days away in some rotten flat. The use of the word you comes into you writing when your meaning your self to familiarise others and distance your self, really you mean me. 

Worlds a nasty place isn't it?

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

We are all on the same stuff

-
Most Of The Medication Here Is The Same Per Patient. I read up on some Japanese testing that went horribly wrong to do with the medication that we take in these hospitals.  17 patients died in Japan due to testing of medication. There probably won't have been that many subjects either but the Medication is still used to date in the UK. I couldn't believe that I take the same medication that killed 17 Japanese patients. Anyway so we are all sitting here with coronavirus going on unable and not fit enough to go anywhere, it is not that we are being poisoned because presumably the medication was reviewed before it hit the market, It is only a presumption and most of the patients here are as pale as the magnolia walls, you know a blue/grey kinda colour. I am struggling on theses medications to maintain focus and drive, every time I try to do something slightly complicated it all becomes a mess. Been watching a brilliant T.V Episode lately, sometimes the end is not soon enough thoug...
Read more

Just Too Little And Too Much

-
  From Zero To Zero Hero Before I came into hospital my mind I suppose was over active. Used to do all sorts of things now I have nothing, my mind is plain and boring. I have this crooked neck problem which needs attention pretty soon which could be causing some of the problem, i.e. not letting dopamine flow properly out of the system. Our spinal chords are the exit for used brain chemicals, they flow over the top of the membrane down the spinal chord through our kidneys. Having a crooked neck however could stop the free flowing chemicals from doing their jobs properly and cause a psychotic breakdown. So With tablets I am able to function, but not on a very high level, hence Zero to Zero Hero.  
Read more

My Days are Boring

-
  It's The Same Old Day Every Day Makes me want to get away, instead of adding variety my days have been getting more and more similar every day. I was listening to some very calming classical music on Spotify for studying, it really relaxes me but makes me very aware of my surroundings, my surroundings are quite stressful at the moment and it is not so easy to relax. So there is obviously the oddness from being in a stressful environment with high wired patients and being calmed down by the music whilst still feeling quite lively.  I feel quite calm to be fair it's not too bad being here. My brain cannot process as well as it used to be able to, I have tried to refresh on some programming languages and it doesn't make a huge amount of sense to me, hence my understanding and memory is going down hill at a rate of knots. I think I said something out of boredom yesterday and was thinking about things in a world of my own not considering everything. I can't have moments li...
Read more